Are You Safe?

Redneck Security, You Too Can Have the safety We Enjoy, here's How:

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines don't forget the copy of 4 Wheel Drive too. Throw a few spent shotgun shells around too for added effect. Skinned Animal carcasses are an added feature that's not right for everyone but very effective.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Editors note don't forget the Knotty Pines Country Club Logo in the back window and a few spent shotgun shells on the floor boards of your car for added security. Logos are available thru the contact page on our official site.